The match started late that day, push back at 16:45 at the Newcastle University pitch.

I was unfortunetly not able to attend this match but I'm going to assume that the weather was overcast with a hint of rain or sun, I guess.

I'm assuming the game started quickly as I am told that Uni were 3-1 20 minutes into the game. I imagine that Uni's first goal, to quote the late and great Sam "The Randy" Riordan, could only be described as a goal.

This was quickly followed by their 2nd as a result of what I'm assuming was Ed "El Captiano" Sephton geting skilled by an U18 on the Uni team before they tapped it in at the back post (Again, I wasn't there, so I have no idea if this is true or not). The Newcastle lads weren't without courage and fight though, as the the Big Daddy himself, Alex "No Knees" Lawson, rolled back the years, to score a goal Brian Coult in his England u21s days, back in the early 1800s would've been proud of. At least that's what I think happened.

Uni then scored a third and 4th in quick succession to kill the attempted fight back, although I'm certain (but I wasn't there so I might be wrong) the 3rd goal was offside and the 4th came off two Uni feet and was headed in at the back post rather then with a stick, but who knows...

Half-time score Uni 2's 4, Newcastle 1st XI 1.

I was so proud of these lads. They never gave in. They never gave up. Warriors through and through!

They may have conceded early into the 2nd half from another offside Uni goal but they kept going, with James "Marathon Man" Roake showing us all what liquid courage can do, picking the ball up on the half-line and dribbing through the whole Uni team twice before exchanging a beautful one-two with Paddy "Green Card" Bennett and slotting it through the keepers legs. I might be embelishing this goal a bit but it seems realistic to me so I'm going with it. Side note, I have no clue why, how or when Paddy got his green card in this match but, I'm just going to assume it was for looking the Uni players the wrong way, they got scared and then complained to umpires in fear.

Again, I wasn't there, but this seems plausible.

Uni finihsed the game off by scoring two more goals (try-hard much). Well done to Uni 2's (1's 2023) I'm sure they played very well.

All in all, a very tough day for the Newcastle lads, but if there's one thing I am absolutely certain of, and is actually factual in this report, it's that they absolutely gave it there all.

So if it brought them some joy at the end of the match to vote me DOD depsite not being there, then I'll happily wear it with pride just as I hope this match report brings them a bit of happiness going forward.

We may be down right now but we'll never be out.

HOWAY THE TOON!
HOWAY THE LADS!

Match report by John McAlery