Match Report: Newcastle 3-3 Hild Bede – A Tale of Two Halves

As battle lines were drawn on the pitch, Newcastle's men set off with the early confidence of Napoleon at Austerlitz, launching themselves into the fray against Hild Bede.

From the outset, Newcastle looked like an unstoppable force, surging forward with the kind of dominance you’d expect from the Mongol horde at the height of their power. Their reward was swift. Matt, channelling the ruthlessness of his Irish forefathers towards their English oppressors, opened the scoring with a first-time finish – though a whisper from spectator, and fellow forward, Lawson suggested it was more of a mis-control than smart finish.

Newcastle continued their unrelenting pressure, cutting through Hild Bede’s defence like the sharp blades of a Viking raid. Rory, playing the role of the swordsman, sliced through their backline, setting up Keith, who hammered home his first goal of the season. Keith had become known more for his “assists” this campaign, but now he claimed his own glory.

As the first half rolled on, Newcastle's attacking prowess was again on display. Neil, the David facing his Goliath, won a short corner after being flattened by someone twice his size – a towering 6-foot giant! And then, for the first time this season, Matt stepped up for the drag flick, sending it home with all the precision of an archer at Agincourt. Perhaps his parents should fly over more often?

The whistle for halftime came with Newcastle leading 3-0. The team talk was sponsored by M&S Percy Pigs, courtesy of Robbo, along with some retro orange slices from Kev – a nod to Newcastle’s warriors of old.

However, what followed in the second half was nothing short of a Chernobyl-level collapse. Newcastle started strong, seemingly set to maintain their dominance, but possession began to slip like sand through their fingers. Passes went astray, and control vanished quicker than the Roman Empire after the Visigoth invasion.

Suddenly, Hild Bede struck back. First, a solitary goal felt like a minor setback, ‘twas but scratch. But then, they scored again, and panic set in among Newcastle’s ranks, reminiscent of the chaos of Waterloo. The defence, once so solid, now looked like the crumbling walls of Jericho, unable to hold off the onslaught.

With one last thrust, Hild Bede completed their comeback with a third goal, levelling the score at 3-3. As the final whistle blew, it was clear that this match, like so many famous battles before it, had been won in the first half – but ultimately lost in the second.

Final score: 3-3. A tale of triumph, disaster, and a reminder that no victory is safe until the battle is done.

MoM: Lawerence Budd
DoD: Matt Thomson

Match report by Matt Thomson